Kopano Ratele is a South African psychologist and men and masculinities studies scholar. He is known for his work on African-oriented psychology, boys, men, masculinity, fatherhood, identity, culture, sexuality, and violence. He is Professor of Psychology at the University of Stellenbosch and Head of the Stellenbosch Centre for Critical and Creative Thought. Among his previously published books are Liberating Masculinities and The World Looks Like This From Here: Thoughts on African Psychology.

• Foreword by Raewyn ConnellPart 1: Love1 Why do women love men?2 One ear turned inward and the other outward3 Love needs4 We can change how we love, but not without changing how we fight5 Love hunger shows itself in many acts, and violence may be one of them6 Why there is no love in the Plan7 I love you, but I wish to hurt you8 To love is to receive and to give9 Talking matters10 Listening carefully is an articulate act of love in action11 Must love hurt?12 The world is not yet ready for loving black boys13 Producing and embodying the loving images we want of ourselves14 If women stopped caring for menPart 2: Violence15 ‘I am more scared of them’16 Men who speak with fists17 Violence wears many faces18 ‘Brothers, check yourselves!’19 ‘I have never raped anyone’ is not an achievement20 Why is there violence where we expect to find love?21 Really nice guys22 ‘There was nothing suspicious about him’23 They don’t teach about sexual consent at university or at home24 Jeanne and Emmanuel25 Is the lesbian an alibi for an untenable model of masculinity?26 Will we reduce rates of rape of women and children when we cannot face prison rape?Part 3: Masculinity27 Trying to transform men is not a futile exercise, but it is slow and difficult work28 A few key ideas to consider when thinking about men and changing masculinity29 The politician told students you can’t ask for money from somebody who raped you30 ‘Dad, look at me’31 ‘I have never hit a woman’ gets you no loving man award32 Before death, before conception, in the many in-between moments, then repeat33 Baldwin was a full man34 The masculinity of a man who is a boy35 Mr President, end patriarchy?36 When work gets in the way of emotional connections37 Love cannot escape power38 What’s up with all this attention given to boys?39 The fact of lovelessness in why men hurt others40 Inheriting and passing down a loving masculinityAcknowledgementsIndex