Why I Hate You and You Hate Me

Joseph H. Berke is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist working with individuals and families. He is a lecturer, writer and teacher and has lived in London since 1965. Beforehand he attended Columbia College of Columbia University and graduated from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University in New York. Dr Berke moved to London to study with R.D. Laing and assisted in establishing the Kingsley Hall Community. There he helped Mary Barnes, a middle-aged nurse who had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, to pass through a severe regression. Barnes later became a noted artist, writer and mystic. The book which Barnes and Berke co-authored ('Mary Barnes: Two Accounts of a Journey Through Madness') was adapted as a stage play and has been performed in many countries. It has now been optioned as a feature film. Dr Berke and colleagues founded the Arbours Housing Association in London in order provide personal, psychotherapeutic care and shelter for people in emotional distress. Later he founded and was the director of the Arbours Crisis Centre. He is the author of many papers and books on psychotherapy, social psychiatry, psychosis, therapeutic communities and transpersonal psychology as well as on Kabbalah and Hassidism.

• Introduction -- Witches, giants and scary parents -- It’s not fair -- Defile, defame, and devour -- On seeking the source -- On attacking femininity: womb envy -- On attacking masculinity: penis greed -- Envy and narcissism -- Gratitude and grateitude -- On sulking -- The resolution of malice

'This is a book that engages with hate, but hardly celebrates it. It does give it such humanity and lively concern that we could all own up to a sheepish recognition of these examples and illustrations. The range is wide, from ancient or remote myths through to reports in modern journalism, and from men's "womb envy" to women's "penis greed". The vast showcase of description is vivid, lucid, and immediately true-to-life, so we are left with the message that we are truly like that. The book says in effect that if we take a good look at this cesspit, and, as it were, stare it out, it will find a proper place within us, a place that can be, on the whole, balanced satisfactorily with the more noble, creative, and harmonious humanity with which we are also imbued.'- R. D. Hinshelwood, Professor, Centre for Psychoanalytic Studies, University of Essex'This penetrating book is a scholarly study of malice from a variety of perspectives. Dr Joseph Berke, the famous author of this book, illuminates the fundamental elements of malice - envy, greed, and jealousy - without ignoring love and benevolence, with which they are inexorably intertwined. Although focusing on the dark side of human nature, the book explores the interplay of forces, which on a personal level are called "character" and on a social level, "culture". It is a deep and fascinating work, relevant to us all at all times.'- Ilany Kogan, training analyst, Israel Psychoanalytic Society'Joe Berke has written a powerful tour de force about the vicissitudes of love and hate in human relationships. He brings to this task a wealth of experience with some of the most difficult patients that he has seen over a lifetime of work as a psychotherapist. Despite taking us in to the heart of darkness and the outer reaches of the human soul, his writing, interspersed with his customary humour and wry observation, makes it very accessible and a joy to read. I recommend this book whole heartedly.'- David Morgan, consultant psychotherapist, psychoanalyst (BPAS BPA BAP), training analyst and supervisor'In this book, Joseph Berke does what he does so well: he explicates our everyday feelings, holding them up to his magic psychoanalytic looking glass so that we can see not only the reflection of our feelings, but also where they come from, and how and why they are there. This is all in terms that we can understand and relate to - where "we" includes both mental health professionals and less professional readers. The unsavoury topic of hatred is relevant to us all, and needs contemplation. There could be no more engrossing and helpful way of contemplating it than to read this book.'- Kate Miriam Loewenthal, Emeritus Professor of Psychology, Royal Holloway, University of London'This is a book to be savoured, not only because it is rich with scholarship, insight, and fascinating stories from all walks of human, animal, and physical life, but also because it forces us to look at our dark side and shows us how facing our evil tendencies can liberate us and our relationships. Envy, greed, jealousy, sulking, narcissism, etc. - Berke delineates the causes, dynamics, parameters, interrelationships, effects over time, and how insight and growth can happen.'- Michael Ray, PhD, Banc One-McCoy Professor (emeritus) of Creativity and Innovation, Stanford University, and author of The Highest Goal