When assessing online toxicity, violence, and manipulation, it's tempting to frame each as creatures of the platforms' lagoons: 'new' problems caused by digital technologies. In this provocative analysis, Jason Hannan shows that there are creatures in the lagoon, yes, but those waters are older, murkier, and much more steeped in analog dysfunction than we might care to admit. Identifying these origins is the first and most critical step to understanding how we arrived at such a precarious political moment—and what we can, and must, do next to begin undoing the damage.