Smart Parenting for Smart Kids

The Authors Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, is a child and family clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey. She is the author or coauthor of several books on children's feelings and friendships. Mark S. Lowenthal, PsyD, has helped many children, teens, and their families during his twenty-two years as a clinical psychologist. His private practice is in Maplewood, New Jersey.

• Note to the Reader ixAcknowledgments xiIntroduction: Rethinking Potential 11 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is “Good Enough”? 10Michael: Focusing on flaws 13Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn’t excel 30Angela: Feeling inadequate 332 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 633 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97Collin: Shouldering the world’s woes 1094 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118Steven: Insisting on his way 121Anita: Being a sore loser 130Misha: Fearing competition 138Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 1465 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161Lisa: Being blind to authority 164Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177Stephanie: Fretting about adults’ anger 1926 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208Diane: Not applying herself in school 2217 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272Selected References and Recommended Reading 277About the Authors 291Index 293

“This book is a literal Godsend. Parents will find great wisdom in its pages.”– Stephen R. Covey, author, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People “A smart, deeply perceptive and important book.” – Wendy Mogel, PhD, author, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee"This book helps parents see how to encourage their children to develop as whole people with feelings, ideas, and the ability to cope with the occasional disappointment too."– Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, author of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards“Filled with vignettes and strategies for raising smart kids to become healthy, happy and contributing adults.”– Vicki Abeles, Producer, Race to Nowhere