Revising Eternity

Holly Welker is an award-winning poet and essayist and the editor of Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage. Her work has appeared in dozens of publications, including Best American Essays, The Iowa Review, Slate, and the New York Times.

• Foreword: Mormon American Masculinities, Ideal and Actual Patrick Q. Mason xiAcknowledgments xvIntroduction: Personal, Contingent, and Incomplete Views on Eternal Marriage Holly Welker 1Part I. Revised ExpectationsTransgressors Stephen Carter 19A husband considers the ways his happymarriage violates the ideal praised by theProclamation on the FamilyBy the Drinking Fountain Eric Robeck 25A couple’s relationship seems like a Latter-dayfairy tale-until he loses his faithMy One and Only Clyde Kunz 31A gay man considers the way Latter-day Saints’expectations for straight marriage affect his ownsearch for a relationshipThere’s Something about Mary Kim Siever 37A husband learns to love his wife more deeply bystudying the example of her love for himFor Jess, after Eighteen Years of Marriage: Seven Fragments on Love; Or, Some Things I Carry Tyler Chadwick 42In a love letter to his wife, a husband lists someof the familiar mysteries he cherishes in theirmarriageAn Apology I’ve Been Working on for a While Joey Franklin 44A husband reflects on the division of labor inhis marriage and how it affects his and his wife’ssenses of selfNever Good Enough Michael Carpenter 52A lifetime of failing to meet Latter-day Saintideals exacts a tragic costMormon AF Nicholas Don Smith 58A stand-up comic from American Fork, Utah,reflects on what it means to be Mormon andsingleLiken the Scriptures Andrew Spriggs 63A young husband realizes that his gay marriageis the most Mormon thing about his lifeThe Care Package Kevin Barnwell 71A husband who has left the church works to findthe perfect anniversary gift for his still devout wifePart II. Sex and Its ConsequencesFertility Theric Jepson 77After the birth of their fourth child, a husbandundergoes a vasectomy to spare his wife anymore worry about fertilityOpposites Robert Raleigh 82Newlyweds discover that their intense physicalattraction is not a strong enough basis for ahappy marriage-or even a satisfying sex lifeEternity in an Hour Boyd Jay Petersen 92On the eve of a trip abroad, a husband learnsthat his wife of thirty-three years is gay, afterwhich they negotiate a respectful separationPie Month Scott Russell Morris 105A young couple agrees to eat pie every day duringthe month of March 2014 while they also try toconceive a childThe Highest T. Kay Browning 119A young man determined to marry early learnsto be the man of integrity his marriage requiresof him, especially as he reckons with what the#MeToo movement means for menBeing Jane John Doe 129A bisexual cross-dresser and his wife learn tohave a mutually fulfilling sex life while honoringtheir temple covenants to one anotherSoul Mates Scott Blanding 133A gay man and a straight woman navigate amarriage both believe they committed to before birthHiding in Plain Sight David Nicolay 141A husband’s ability to connect to his wife isundermined by decades of sexual shame overmasturbation7:06 A.M. Kelland Coleman 151A lonely husband briefly attains the intimacy hehas longed for with his wife when she admits toherself and to him that she is gayUnsealed Dan Smith 160A husband learns that trying to practicepolygamy to please his wife does not heal theirtroubled marriagePart III. In Sickness and in HealthFear and Trepanation Ted Smith 171A midlife crisis helps a husband understandhow valuable his marriage is, just before it isthreatened by a dire medical crisisI’m Not Who I Thought You Married John B. Dahl 180A young husband is forced to confront his ownmisconceptions about mental illness when he isdiagnosed with depression-and discovers thatdoing so strengthens instead of harms his marriageHolding On and Letting Go Joseph Broom 190After decades in a straight marriage, a gay mandiscovers happiness with the love of his life-onlyto lose him to cancer after a short marriageDisability Check Caleb Scoville 198A young man reckons with the way his bipolardisease wreaks havoc on his marriageThe House of Infinite Regret Scot Denhalter 207Addiction to prescription narcotics destroys a life,a marriage, and a familyFrom Patriarchy to Matriarchy: A Marital and Spiritual Journey Thomas W Murphy 218A young man from an abusive household vows tocreate a family free of violence and coercion withhis wife, after which they learn about alternativeforms of strength and leadership-and aboutaspects of their own backgrounds-when theirwork leads them to Indigenous communitiesThe Marriage Bed: An Essay and Three Poems Robert A. Rees 231A widower reflects on his happy marriage andthe joy of sharing a bed with his belovedGlossary 239Discussion Questions 243Bibliography 245Contributors 249

"Revising Eternity indeed revises any misguided notions we might have of uniformity in the Latter-day Saint experience, boldly and candidly opening to view the sometimes intense, sometimes joyous, sometimes sorrowful lives of a wide variety of writers, and with its myriad perspectives the book invites us to more deeply know and thus achieve greater empathy with one another."--Patrick Madden, author of Disparates: Essays "This is a fascinating compilation, detailing as it does what happens when an exigent definition of righteousness and propriety meets the reality of human nature--a work at once sad, sobering, heartening, and above all enlightening. Highly recommended."--Levi S. Peterson, author of A Rascal by Nature, a Christian by Yearning: A Mormon Autobiography