Parents Who Bully

Eric Maisel, Ph.D., is the author of more than 50 books in the areas of creativity, psychology, coaching, mental health, and cultural trends. He is a psychotherapist and the founder of the creativity coach profession, regularly working with lawyers, doctors, scientists, writers, painters, businesspeople, and folks from every walk of life. They include folks settled in a profession as well as people struggling to find an outlet for their intelligence and looking for work that will allow them to be as smart as they are. They include individuals who are successful in their careers and those who, because of the realities of the marketplace, struggle to achieve success. And through his books, they could include you.Sought after as an expert in his field, Dr. Maisel regularly contributes to Mad in America, writes a monthly print column for Professional Artist Magazine, and writes the "Rethinking Mental Health" blog for Psychology Today. He has been the keynote speaker at many conferences and leads Deep Writing workshops worldwide.Dr. Maisel currently resides in Walnut Creek, California. Visit him at www.ericmaisel.com.Dr. Duffy is a highly sought-after clinical psychologist, bestselling author, podcaster, certified life coach, and parenting and relationship expert. He has been working in his clinical practice with individuals, couples, teens, and families for nearly twenty-five years. Dr. Duffy’s refreshing and unique approach has provided the critical intervention and support needed to help thousands of individuals and families find their footing.Along with his clinical work, Dr. Duffy is the author of the number-one best-selling The Available Parent (Viva Editions, second edition released 2014). He is a frequent national media presence. He has been the regular parenting and relationship expert on Steve Harvey (with more than 75 appearances), and appears several times a month on WGN radio. He also appears frequently on other national and local television and radio outlets, and is cited regularly in national print and online publications. These include the Today show, Fox News, Chicago Tribune, Fox Good Day Chicago, The Jam, WGN-TV, the Morning Blend, NPR, the Huffington Post, the Wall Street Journal, Redbook, Time, Good Housekeeping, Men’s Health, Chicago Parent, Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, Wired, Parenting, Your Teen, Parents, Family Circle, Chicago Sun-Times, and Real Simple magazine, among many others. As noted, he is contributor to the Pear app and co-host of the podcast with Giuliana and Bill Rancic, consults on two films on teen anxiety, and co-host of a popular podcast, better, with his wife Julie. He is also a frequent guest on other parenting and self-help podcasts.Dr. Duffy lives outside Chicago with his wife Julie and son George.

• Table of ContentsAuthor’s PrefacePart I. The Look of MeanThe World of MeanAdverse Childhood ExperiencesWhat Family Bullies Look LikeThe Aggression ClusterThe Exploitation ClusterThe Narcissism ClusterBorn in AlabamaDaughter of a BeatThe Pleasure She DerivedAny Sadism Will DoHow Can I Survive?Quixotic, Unclear RulesMy Accomplishments Will Not Bring Me HappinessThe Shaming BeganAn Empty ShellIt Was a Pretty Typical HouseholdTheft by AmphetaminesThey Dominate My MindWhen I Felt Strong EnoughSo You Think That You’re Better Than Me?Snapshots of ConsequencesEight TruthsPart II. Tools and TacticsCreate Physical Separation and Limit ContactCreate Psychological SeparationPractice Right ThinkingRedesign Your MindGrow Your StrengthEnlist AlliesAcknowledge TraumaListen to Your BodyPractice Calm Self-AwarenessPractice Self-CareStay Alert for TriggersCreate a Support SystemRelease Guilt and ShameSpeak UpHonor Your FreedomIdentify Your Life PurposesLive Your Life PurposesDismiss ApologistsCall Bullies on Their BehaviorsPractice ResilienceThink in MultiplesThe Authoritarian Wound QuestionnaireAfterwordAcknowledgmentsAbout the Author

“Parents Who Bully will resonate with anyone whose life has been compromised by domineering and authoritarian parenting. The book is rich with real life stories and filled with strategies to help people heal and thrive. With compassion and kindness, Dr. Maisel gently encourages you to live the life you’ve always wanted!”—Professor Timothy Carey, PhD, Chair, Country Health Research and Innovation, Curtin University “Eric Maisel approaches the harrowing subject of parental bullying in his experienced, direct and inimitable way and describes a powerful healing process for those who have been affected by authoritarian parenting. Coaches and therapists will find this book a goldmine of useful tips and case studies and every reader will be helped to a newfound understanding of this terrible, silent epidemic. Vital reading? In the truest sense of the word, yes!”—Ian Jefferis, director, Young Minds Coaching, specializing in support of children and adolescents “In Parents Who Bully, Dr. Maisel skillfully uses real-life stories to comprehensively examine parental meanness and its lasting effects. Far from clinically sterile or theoretical, this book is refreshingly active and practical, instilling hope by taking the reader on a step-by-step journey toward understanding parent-induced trauma and ways of finding relief.”—Chuck Ruby, PhD, author of Smoke and Mirrors: How You Are Being Fooled by Mental Illness—An Insider’s Warning to Consumers“The author of this guide to parental bullying has wisely turned large portions of the narrative over to those who have lived through and survived such experiences. Their heart-wrenching tales and hard-won solutions breathe life into this volume. Also useful is the author’s roadmap to the myriad forms bullying takes and the duplicitous rationalizations perpetrators use to justify their transgressions. This long-needed guide will be a godsend to those who have suffered at the hands of authoritarian, narcissistic parents—particularly those who have mainly had to suffer in silence and isolation.”—Jay S. Efran, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Temple University “It is rare that an author of a self-help book writes so directly about the nature of psychological problems and provides clear pointers to self-healing. This is exactly what is needed for someone who has suffered at the hands of a bullying or authoritarian parent and finds it hard to articulate how they have been damaged. Maisel describes the full-range of psychological insults, both by listing them and by providing numerous biographical accounts with which a reader can easily identify. By validating their experiences, he helps in the process of constructing a new relationship with their own selves and with others. By reviewing and writing about their experiences, the reader learns to adopt ‘eight truths’ that lift any sense that she or he was in any way responsible for their status as victims, and the author implants the belief that change is possible. There follows twenty eminently practical chapters on ‘tools and tactics’ for effecting change. This book will be of great value to anyone starting out on a journey of self-discovery and will serve as a valuable adjunct to formal therapy as a way of pressing home the important messages on which change is based.”—Richard Hallam, PhD, author of Abolishing the Concept of Mental Illness “Eric Maisel’s new book, Parents Who Bully: A Guide for Adult Children of Immature, Narcissistic, and Authoritarian Parents, provides a clear exploration of parental bullying, its effects on family members, and, most importantly, thoughtful guidance on how to recover. Maisel categorizes parents who bully as either aggressive, exploitative, or narcissistic and provides detailed descriptions of each type. Bullying is often denied, minimized, or blamed on the victims themselves, but those excuses are blasted apart by the searing personal stories of grown-children who bear the scars from living with such parents. Maisel encourages his readers to undertake a healing journey and offers hope for readers in the form of practical suggestions such as redesigning your mind, listening to your body, enlisting allies, and releasing guilt and shame, to name but a few. I especially appreciate the use of journaling at the end of each chapter as a way to capture your own thoughts immediately after reading. This book will be an invaluable resource for anyone who’s lived with a bullying parent.”—Ann Bracken, author of Crash: A Memoir of Overmedication and Recovery