On Being a Master Therapist

JEFFREY A. KOTTLER, PhD, is Professor of Counseling at California State University, Fullerton and Founder of Empower Nepali Girls, an organization that provides educational scholarships for at-risk children in Nepal. JON CARLSON, Psy.D, Ed.D, is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Counseling at Governors State University, University Park, Illinois and a psychologist with the Wellness Clinic in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.

• Preface ixIntroduction: Two Variations on a Theme 11 What Is a Master Therapist Anyway—And How Do You Get to Be One? 11What Is a Master Therapist? 13Different Standards of Mastery 15Client and Therapist Perceptions of Outcomes 18Definitions of Mastery by Experts on the Subject 202 What We (Think We) Know So Far 25A Movement Toward Consensus 25What Does Make a Difference? 28Talking to the Masters 34What Famous Therapists Appear to Have in Common 383 Deep Compassion and Caring 45Creating Connections 46Commitment and Investment 52The Growth Edge 574 Sophisticated Interpersonal Skills: Really, Really Listening 61"How'd You Do That?" 65Little Things Make a Huge Difference 68Listening Differently 71Being in the Moment 745 Being Fully Present While Focusing on the Other 75Altered States of Being 79Mind Chatter 80A Way of Being 84Staying Present With Ourselves 876 Knowing What Maybe/Probably/Mostly Makes a Difference 89What Makes a Difference? 91Beyond Understanding: Honoring Magic and Mystery 1087 Speaking the Truth 111Lies in Therapy 112Confronting Deception 113Hard Truths 118Taking Risks and Exploring the Unknown 1238 Making Mistakes—But Not the Same Ones Over and Over 127Making Mistakes Isn't the Problem 128Practicing Self-Compassion 133Most Common Mistakes 136Mistakes or Just Data to Process? 1419 Inviting and Responding to Constructive Feedback 143Sources of Feedback 148Clients Are the Best Teachers 149Feedback That's Most Helpful 150Processing Feedback Gratefully 151Being Accountable to Ourselves, Our Colleagues, and Our Clients 153Life-Changing Feedback 157Recruiting Master Coaches and Mentors 158How We Know What We Know 16510 Who You Are Is as Important as What You Do 167Who We Are Versus What We Do 168Qualities of Master Therapists 169Practicing Self-Compassion 175Modeling As Best We Can 17611 Acknowledging Commonalities, Responding to Differences 181Multiple Cultural Identities 182An Individual's Multiplicity of Cultures 183What We Share in Common 188Metabolizing Theory and Embracing Complexity 18912 Love Is a Four-Letter Word in Therapy 193Multiple Dimensions of Caring 194Owning Our Personal Motives 196Learning How to Love 197Love Is Always Possible 19913 Getting Wild and a Little Crazy: Promoting Creative Breakthroughs 205When Models and Theories Limit Our Creative Options 206Sorting Out All the Voices in Our Heads 209On Being Creative 211Seeking New Knowledge While Embracing Mystery 214You've Never Heard of the Most Creative Therapists 218Thinking Differently About Problems 221Where Has Creativity Gone? 22414 Promoting Social Interest and Advocacy 227Who Has Time for This? 228Real Master Therapists in Action 229Consistent Themes Related to Advocacy Efforts 236Let's Be Honest, Really Honest 237Full Circle 24015 Being a Work in Progress 243A Voracious Curiosity 244Confronting Despair Versus Hope 246What Has Been Most Helpful Along the Way 250What Has Been Least Helpful Along the Way 257It's About Relationships, Not Content 259Mastery Means Being Able to Accept Mystery 261Epilogue 265References 267About the Authors 279Index 281

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