Love and Heartbreak in the Brain

Love is not a physiological process that starts in the heart, it is an event that is built and sometimes destroyed in the brain. There is nothing like feeling in love and having the motivation to see, talk and kiss the loved one again. That set of feelings that makes us feel butterflies in the abdomen, tachycardia and sweaty hands, accompanied by nervous smiles is the neurochemical response of happiness associated with positive emotions. But sometimes the same person who makes us fall in love becomes the worst judge of our decisions, the victimizer, executioner and destroyer of our dreams or, worse still, a couple who for years destroys our self-esteem and humiliates our most cared for values.

This book looks at how most love relationships begin in the brain like a movie-worthy story: meeting, liking, and getting excited. Everything seems to point to the fact that the person with whom we fall in love is the one to love, the person to accompany us throughout our lives. Each kiss and caress usually indicates that we are facing the perfect person. At that moment, the brain releases and acts on it a set of substances that excite us, excite us and make us addicted: endorphins, enkephalins, adrenaline, dopamine and oxytocin. But this also takes away our objectivity, it transforms reality; we see only what we want to see.

In a short time –it can be weeks or months, but on average less than four years– the real personality of the couple appears: the compulsive ones, the abandoners, the violent ones, the manipulative ones, the unfaithful ones, the jealous ones, the compulsive liars, the immature, violent bottoms, addicted to difficult relationships. An endless list that sometimes goes from anecdote to laughter, to reflection, to tears. To dance a tango two are needed; to understand a relationship, too. 

This book looks at what goes on in the brains of both couples in a relationship in our common social context. Different stories, different actors, with dissimilar endings and unique experiences, in all of them one learns, discusses and tries to reflect. 

75% of everything that happens in our day is a brain interpretation; what we analyze today may change tomorrow or lead us to another conclusion. That is to say, only a quarter of the time of our daily life must remain with deep attention and must summon our intelligence and memory. Choosing, loving and breaking up a relationship should take up more of our time and consequently make us more aware of what we do. About 80% of the people we meet will walk out of our lives in less than five years in some way; Reflecting on this will help us understand that not all people will stay by our side forever, even if we love them, even if they are necessary.

If in a relationship both people are in love, why does one love more than the other? Love grows when it is shared, it should get stronger over the years, but indifference ...