How to Feel Loved

In this pioneering work, a renowned happiness scientist and a top relationship researcher draw on the science of happiness, love, and human connection to offer a powerful framework to help readers appreciate and nurture what makes them feel truly loved.

We can be lovedand still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt. Sonja Lyubomirsky, the worlds preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the worlds leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, theyve discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love.

In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isnt about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovableits about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond.

In How to Feel Loved, they introduce five powerful mindsetstools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives.

A Sharing mindsetshowing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts

A Listening-to-Learn mindsetmaking space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking

A Radical Curiosity mindsetbeing genuinely interested in another and asking better questions

An Open-Heart mindsetbeing kind and affirming to another for who they truly are

A Multiplicity mindsetembracing the messy complexity in all of us

These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship Sea-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isnt enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how.