Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce

William J. Doherty, PhD, is a professor emeritus in the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science and cofounder of the Doherty Relationship Institute. Dr. Doherty has authored 16 books for professionals and the lay public. He has served as president of the National Council on Family Relations and received the Lifetime Career Award from the American Family Therapy Academy. He also cofounded Braver Angels, a nonprofit working on bridge building in a divided country. Steven M. Harris, PhD, LMFT, is a professor in the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science. He has been practicing as a marriage and family therapist for over 30 years. He was editor-in-chief of the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy and serves as the director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project. He was awarded the Legacy Award by the National Council on Family Relations-Family Therapy Section in 2024. Dr. Harris is the author of over 90 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters and is the coauthor of Should I Try to Work It Out?

• An Introduction to Working With Mixed-Agenda CouplesPart I. Overview and Foundations of Discernment CounselingChapter 1. Overview of Discernment CounselingChapter 2. Theoretical and Research BackgroundPart II. Methods of Discernment CounselingChapter 3. Intake ProceduresChapter 4. First Session ProtocolChapter 5. Middle Sessions ProtocolChapter 6. Handling Transitions to Couples Therapy (Path 3)Chapter 7. Handling Transitions to Separation/Divorce (Path 2)Chapter 8. Handling Transitions to the Status Quo (Path 1)Chapter 9. Full Case Illustration of Discernment CounselingPart III. Common Scenarios in Discernment CounselingChapter 10. When Neither Partner Is Leaning InChapter 11. When One Partner Has an AffairChapter 12. When the Feelings Are GoneChapter 13. Shifting from Couple Therapy to Discernment CounselingPart IV. Becoming a Discernment CounselorChapter 14. Learning Discernment CounselingChapter 15. Building a Specialty Practice in Discernment CounselingReferencesIndexAbout the Authors

"Doherty and Harris bring a decade of work developing and refining discernment counseling to a new edition of Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce. Their book helps couples therapists lean into the problem of polarized spouses: one leaning into the marriage and therapy, and one leaning out. We are given the specific tools for discernment and pre-couples therapy to help the couple in just a few sessions decide whether to stay together, separate, or go into couples therapy. The clearly stated, detailed protocols and examples for each phase of counseling provide the structure therapists need to dive into an uncomfortable, often cyclical conflict, and empathize and work with each member of the couple as they face a fork in the road of their marriage." - Susan H. McDaniel, PhD, Dr Laurie Sands Distinguished Professor of Families & Health, University of Rochester School of Medicine, Rochester, NY"A common dilemma confronting couple therapists occurs when one partner wants to save the relationship but the other is ambivalent or is already preparing to leave. In this updated exposition of discernment counseling, Doherty and Harris offer detailed step-by-step guidance for helping couples resolve this impasse, and implement informed decisions for moving forward. Their approach integrates theory, research, and abundant clinical wisdom. Every couple therapist should incorporate this critical resource into their personal library and everyday tool kit." - Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, Professor Emeritus of Psychological and Brain Sciences, Texas A&M University, College Station; coeditor of The Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy"This is the definitive guide for working with couples facing the space between full commitment and ending the relationship. Grounded in theory, research, and decades of clinical wisdom, Doherty and Harris offer a disciplined yet deeply humane approach that every couples therapist should know." - Sean D. Davis, PhD, LMFT, Distinguished Professor, Couple and Family Therapy, Alliant University, Sacramento, CA"Working with couples is difficult, and this work is even more challenging when individuals in couple relationships present with a mixed agenda. These couples are not well served by a couple-therapy-as-usual approach given their conflicting goals for their relationship and for therapy. Doherty and Harris bring their decades of expertise to their comprehensive book Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce, and they do an outstanding job of laying out the best approach to working with these mixed-agenda couples. They provide a clear road map depicting each step of the treatment process, including careful assessment, key decision points along the way, and dealing with common scenarios. This is an essential work for the library of every serious couple therapist." - Adrian Blow, PhD, LMFT, Professor, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Michigan State University, East Lansing"When one partner is leaning out and the other is holding on, therapists need more than their usual trusted interventions. Doherty and Harris expertly deliver a thoughtful, humane, and practical roadmap for working with mixed-agenda couples. is is a book I will return to often, and one that has already shaped my clinical practice." - Jason Whiting, PhD, LMFT, Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy, Brigham Young University, Provo, UT"This model provides an invaluable skill set, perspective, and gift to couples. It clearly shows how supporting partners as they make a preliminary decision related to commitment prior to jumping into traditional couples therapy encourages individual and relational growth, is paramount to effective couples therapy, and can also be deeply fulfilling to the therapist. This approach provides a clear way forward. I gained valuable insight into supporting each partner in identifying their personal change goals, and I am more confident about how to support couples in initial sessions—whether attempting traditional therapy or discernment counseling." - Kelly M. Roberts, PhD, LMFT, MFT Training Program Core Faculty, Oklahoma Christian University, Edmond"Doherty and Harris's method of discernment counseling represents nothing less than a revolution in working with couples, one marked by "discernment" having already become a widely recognized form of intervention. It builds on the simple truth that for many caught up in the strong feelings that accompany nearing the end of a relationship, before engaging in couple therapy or divorcing, it is helpful to engage in a structured process to discern, assess, and converse about who has what interest in improving and working on the relationship. In so doing, the authors provide a way to avoid viable relationships ending prematurely but also to help couples bypass the frustrating and unsuccessful couples therapies that occur when one party has fully left the relationship. This new edition provides a state-of-the-art description of this method, incorporating an additional decade of experience, research, and refinement. The reader will emerge with a clear sense of the complexities involved in mixed-agenda couples, a step-by-step manual for the discernment method, and a thoughtful, ethical, and caring framework for working with these couples." - Jay L. Lebow, PhD, ABPP, LMFT, Clinical Professor of Psychology, Family Institute at Northwestern and Northwestern University, Evanston, IL"Doherty and Harris have articulated a sophisticated systemic architecture for the most precarious moments in couple therapy. This second edition is a master class in clinical nuance, capturing the recursive, high-stakes dialogue of discernment with a precision rarely seen in our professional literature. As both an educator and practitioner, I found that this text did more than just instruct—it sharpened my clinical intuition and provided a vital framework for navigating the "mixed-agenda" bind. It is the definitive guide for a challenge that is as common as it is complex." - Nathan R. Hardy, PhD, LMFT, Assistant Professor, Family and Consumer Sciences, University Of Hawai'i at Manoa, Honolulu; Editor-In-Chief, Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy