Fighting for Your African American Marriage

Keith E. Whitfield, Ph.D., is professor at Penn State University, and a researcher who has specialized in issues related to the black family. Howard Markman, Ph.D., is internationally known for his work on divorce prevention. He is professor of psychology and codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Scott Stanley, Ph.D. is a noted expert on marriage and commitment, and is codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. He has coauthored A Lasting Promise, the Christian version of this book. Susan L. Blumberg, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, director of Interpersonal Communication Options, and specializes in helping families and couples revitalize their relationships.

• Acknowledgments xi Introduction xiiiWhat Makes Our World Go 'Round 1Four Key Patterns That Destroy Oneness 27Communicating Safely and Clearly: The Speaker-Listener Technique 49Handlin' Business: Problem Solving 73Ground Rules for Handling Conflict 99Timing Is Everything: Issues and Events 117Unmet Expectations and What to Do About Them 137Stickin' Together: Commitment 155Core Belief Systems: Religious, Spiritual, and Otherwise 175Forgiving, Forgetting, and Intimacy 199Preserving and Protecting Friendship 219Marriage and Fun: They Go Together! 231Sexual Healing 243Keeping It Together 255Selected Research and Resources 269More Information on the PREP Approach 277Finding a Counselor When You Need One 279Some Thoughts on Domestic Violence 283About the Authors 285Index 287

Adhering to the blueprint of their highly successful Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (1994), the authors outline the "Four Key Patterns That Destroy Oneness" (escalation; invalidation, withdrawal and avoidance; negative interpretation), the "Speaker/Listener Technique" for clarifying problems and methods of "Problem Solving," with "Ground Rules for Handling Conflict." Readers learn to distinguish between issues and events and to recognize the need for commitment, forgiveness, intimacy, friendship, sex and fun in a successful relationship. Brief anecdotes and conversations bring an immediacy and familiarity to the text, and exercises at the end of each chapter provide practice. With the inclusion of Whitfield, Pennsylvania State University professor of behavioral health and the only African-American among the authors, this work sensitively and forthrightly addresses the "special issues" and concerns of African-American couples, which include the "the pressure of racism--stereotyped gender roles--the extended family of kin and non-blood relations--"the special role of the church" as well as economic issues and concerns "regarding interracial intimacy." The breadth of class and occupation covered enriches the book, as does the recognition that marital problems in couples of any race or ethnicity may involve where to have dinner or what video to rent. An eminently readable and practical guide. (Publishers Weekly, September 10, 2001)