Divorcing with Children

It's a sad reality but one we must face and understand for the children's sake. Each year, hundreds of thousands of parents separate or divorce, and their marital breakdown is most often heartbreaking, mystifying, and painful for their children. The youngsters, regardless of age, may or may not get honest, open explanations. They may or may not understand. Reasons for the breakdown aside, it is a loss for the children, something to grieve. Many parents make it more difficult by putting the children in the middle, or telling them things to alienate them against the other parent. The children learn poor lessons that can last a lifetime and affect their own future relationships. This book is for separated, divorcing, and divorced parents who want to minimize or remove the fallout for the kids. Those just contemplating separation or divorce will find this text of great help in enabling them to be proactive, set a plan to avoid possible problems, and to deal with those that will inevitably surface.Therapists Lippman and Lewis share with us the beneficial experience and positive lessons discovered in their decades working with men, women, and children to navigate divorce and still keep the security, stability, and emotional health of the children intact. Vignettes from and interviews with parents, children, and other therapists are included, and the tragic story of broken marriage is told through letters from mothers, fathers, children, and grandparents, and through the authors' answers to those letters. The responses highlight strong needs and sound approaches, to empower good times and help families face, deal with, then minimize the bad. Topics addressed include when and how to tell the children, moving out, setting schedules and visits, the need for flexibility, handling anger and frustration and assuring it does not get directed at the children, communicating, avoiding secrets, and maintaining relationships with grandparents and other relatives. At the core of this book lies one simple truth: though adult relationships may change, the love for children remains constant. Here, Lippman and Lewis educate us—in mind and heart—about how to best love and nurture our children during what can be one of the deepest losses they will face in their lifetimes.