Difficult Conversations

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen work for the Harvard Negotiation Project.

• Sort out the three conversations; stop arguing about who's right - explore each other's stories; don't assume they meant it disentangle intent from impact; abandon blame - map the contribution system; have your feelings (or they will have you); ground your identity - ask yourself what's at stake; what's your purpose - when to raise it and when to let go; getting started - begin from the third story; learning - listen from the inside out; expression - speak for yourself with clarity and power; problem-solving - take the lead; putting it all together.

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