Costly Obedience

Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D., is a Professor of Psychology at Regent University and the Director of the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity. Dr. Yarhouse has spent several years promoting dialogue between people who view the topic of sexual identity differently.He has published over 60 peer-reviewed journal articles and book chapters and is author or co-author of several books, including Sexual Identity Synthesis: Attributions, Meaning-Making and the Search for Congruence; Ex-Gays? A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation; and Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends.

• Introduction: The Gay “Problem”When conservative Christians talk about homosexuality and people they know who are gay, they believe that the way to move forward is to have gay people become straight. They immediately think of “reorienting” gay people. But there is another reorientation that has to take place as well, one in which today’s church is reawakened to the call of costly obedience, one that is lived out by all followers of Christ. This means the church will also have to change, reorienting toward a different vision of community and discipleship. Gay Christians are being used by God today to reorient the church to this call. Part I: Reawakening the Church to Radical DiscipleshipChapter 1: American Dream ChristianityThe church has adopted an “American Dream” Christianity, one that largely believes the answer to the “gay problem” is either transformation or celibacy---as if either of these options are easy! The casual attitude toward these difficult choices has alienated gay Christians and caused them to feel that the church is demanding of them things that are not required of other followers of Christ. We need to grasp that the call of discipleship is costly, and it is costly for all believes. Obedience to Christ places serious demands on the lives of every Christian, gay and straight alike. The crisis in the church today is not just homosexuality, it is recapturing a more biblical understanding of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.Chapter 2: The Shame Script - Change and Get Married! Most Christians wear their faith like an accessory as men and women seek personal fulfillment through falling in love, advancing in their careers, pursuing utmost pleasure, and investing in the relationships they find most gratifying. Self-centeredness permeates the western church, and it is largely ignored, even met with approval at times. The church’s solution to the gay problem is to promote marriage. Gays in the church feel that they are not full members until they have proven they have been healed by getting married. At the same time, the church condemns the gay person only to smile upon the straight person whose sexual sins are more socially acceptable. This hypocrisy alienates gay people and leads them to despair. Chapter 3: The Inclusive Script - Accept Who You Are Progressive churches subscribe to the gay script. This script says that a gay orientation necessitates having an active gay relationship based on a hermeneutic of love. These churches emphasize Christ’s condemnation of Pharisaical moral standards, those that affirm self-centered religiosity while marginalizing sexual minorities. Their acceptance of gay relationships is a reasonable extension of American Dream Christianity: if straight people can have their faith and pursue pleasure too, then gay people should as well. Progressive churches rightly realize Christ would condemn the hypocrisy rampant in most churches. But rather than calling all Christians up into sacrificial obedience, however, they appeal to inclusivity and invite gays to enjoy the fruit of American Dream Christianity. This is a compelling script for gay people because it meets legitimate needs for identity and community, and it will continue to be the most compelling script if the church does not change. Chapter 4: The Third WayGay Christians feel forced to choose between two scripts imposed upon them: the gay affirming script and the local church’s shame script. When gay people feel unwelcomed because of attractions they did not choose and an orientation they are unlikely to change, they feel they have no choice but to depart from their convictions altogether, which is ultimately a departure from orthodoxy. As the culture war rises and both communities launch truth grenades from one side to the other, the casualties are the sexual minorities caught in the crossfire. To affirm casual Christianity for straight people and deny it to gay people is

Christians almost universally agree that we are called to love our nonheterosexual (LGBTQ+) neighbors. Yet the widespread perception is that we're doing a poor job of it, first and foremost because we do not listen. Informed by first-of-its-kind research among those followers of Christ who often call themselves 'celibate gays,' this book is essential reading for church and parachurch leaders concerned about the integrity of their ministries and the witness of their congregations and organizations. This book can inform and guide church leaders toward deeper empathy and more effective ministry in a truly marginalized portion of the communities that they serve (and the much larger circle of those who care about them). At a time when the church is on trial before a watching secular world--and often regarded as a bastion of hatred and homophobia--this book offers real solutions and challenges. You will not be disappointed.