Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies

Nancy C. Muir is the owner of a writing and consulting company that specializes in business and technology topics. She has authored more than 100 books, including Laptops For Seniors For Dummies and iPhone For Seniors For Dummies. Nancy holds a certificate in Distance Learning Design and has taught Internet safety and technical writing at the college level.

• Introduction 1About This Book 2Conventions Used in This Book 3What You’re Not to Read 3Foolish Assumptions 3Icons Used in This Book 4Beyond the Book 5Where to Go From Here 5Part I: Getting Started with NLP 7Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP 9Introducing NLP 9Providing a few quick definitions 11Considering where NLP started and where it’s going 11Offering a note on integrity 12Encountering the Pillars of NLP: Straight Up and Straightforward 13Discovering Models and Modelling 15Employing the NLP communication model 15Modelling excellence 16Using NLP to Greater Effect 16Understanding that attitude comes first 17Being curious and confused are good for you 17Changing is up to you 17Having fun on the way! 18Chapter 2: Identifying Some Basic NLP Assumptions 19Introducing NLP Presuppositions 20The map is not the territory 20People respond according to their map of the world 22There is no failure, only feedback 23The meaning of communication is the response it elicits 25If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different 26You cannot not communicate 28Individuals have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes 29Every behaviour has a positive intent 29People are much more than their behaviour 31The mind and body are interlinked and affect each other 32Having choice is better than not having choice 34Modelling successful performance leads to excellence 35Final Words on Presuppositions: Suck Them and See 35Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life 37Grasping How Your Fears Can Drive You in the Wrong Direction 38Distinguishing between conscious and unconscious 39Understanding your quirky unconscious mind 39Delving Inside the Brain 42Looking at the three key parts 42Recognising neuroplasticity as the basis for development 43Tracking Information: Your Reticular Activating System 44Examining How Memories Are Created 46Encountering post‐traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) 47Handling phobias 48Employing the NLP Fast Phobia Cure 49Accepting That Beliefs and Values Make a Difference 50Getting to grips with the power of beliefs 50Working with your values 52Daydreaming Your Future Reality 58Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life 59Taking Control of Your Memory 59Seeing It Because You Believe It 61Focusing on blaming others 62Getting stuck in a problem frame 63Shifting into the outcome frame 64Following the Path to Excellence 64Knowing what you want 65Becoming smarter than SMART: Creating well‐formed outcomes 66Using the Four‐Point Formula for Success 72Spinning the Wheel of Life 73Keeping a Dream Diary of Your Goals 74Just Go for It 76Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People 77Chapter 5: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication 79Getting to Grips with the Senses 80Filtering reality 81Hearing how people are thinking 83Listening to the World of Words 86Glimpsing into the world of synaesthesia 86Building rapport through words 87Bringing on the translators 90Acknowledging the Importance of the Eyes 91Making the VAK System Work for You 95Chapter 6: Creating Rapport 97Knowing Why Rapport is Important 98Recognising rapport when you see it 99Identifying people with whom you want to build rapport 99Introducing Basic Techniques for Building Rapport 102Sharpening your rapport following eight quick tips 102Viewing the communication wheel and developing rapport 103Matching and mirroring 105Pacing to lead other people successfully 107Building rapport in virtual communication 108Knowing How to Break Rapport and Why You May Want To 110Discovering how to break rapport sensitively 110Grasping the power of the word ‘but’ 112Understanding Other Points of View 113Exploring perceptual positions 114Looking into the NLP meta‐mirror 114Chapter 7: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs 119Getting to Grips With Meta‐Program Basics 120Looking at meta programs and language patterns 121Exploring meta programs and behaviour 121Being Proactive/Reactive 123Moving Towards/Away From 124Discovering Options/Procedures 128Delving Into the Internal/External 129Going Global/Detailed 130Recognising Sameness, Sameness with Difference and Difference 133Tackling Time Perspectives 136Combining Meta Programs 138Developing Your Meta‐Program Skills 139Chapter 8: Pushing the Communication Buttons 141Understanding the Process of Communication 142Scenario 1 143Scenario 2 144Introducing the NLP Communication Model 144Processing pieces of information 145Getting to grips with individual responses 148Giving Effective Communication a Try 155Part III: Opening the Toolkit 157Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors 159Starting Out With NLP Anchors 160Setting an anchor and building yourself a resourceful state 161Eliciting and calibrating states 162Developing your own repertoire of anchors 164Recognising your own anchors 165Going Through the Emotions: Sequencing States 166Altering states with anchors 167Getting with the baroque beat 168Walking in someone else’s shoes 169Becoming Sophisticated with Anchors 170Changing negative anchors 170Deploying stage anchors 172A Final Point About Anchors 174Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience 175Recording Your Experiences with Your Submodalities 176Grasping the Basic Info: What You Need to Know Before You Begin 177Associating or dissociating 177Defining the details of your memories 178Getting a little practice 182Understanding Your Critical Submodalities 183Making Real‐Life Changes 184Removing the pain from an experience 185Changing a limiting belief 185Creating an empowering belief 186Getting rid of that backache 187Using the swish 188Submodalities Worksheet 189Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels 191Understanding Logical Levels 191Asking the right questions 193Taking logical levels step‐by‐step 194Employing practical uses for logical levels 195Finding the Right Lever for Change 196Environment 197Behaviour 198Capabilities and skills 199Beliefs and values 200Identity 203Purpose 204Figuring Out Other People’s Levels: Language and Logical Levels 205Teambuilding at Work and Play: A Logical Levels Exercise 205Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs 207Witnessing the Evolution of Strategies 208The S–R model 208The TOTE model 208The NLP strategy = TOTE + modalities 209The NLP strategy model in action 210The Eyes Have It: Recognising Another’s Strategy 211Flexing Your Strategy Muscles 213Linking strategies and the logical levels model 214Acquiring new capabilities 214Recoding your programs 216Grasping the importance of the ‘how’ 216Using NLP Strategies for Love and Success 218Loving the deep love strategy 218Influencing people with strategies 220Spelling out the NLP spelling strategy 221Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life 225Understanding How Your Memories Are Organised 227Discovering Your Time Line 228Changing Your Time Line 229Travelling Along Your Time Line to a Happier You 232Releasing negative emotions and limiting decisions 233Finding forgiveness 236Comforting the younger you 236Getting rid of anxiety 236Creating a better future 238Chapter 14: Ensuring Smooth Running Below Decks 241Getting to Grips with a Hierarchy of Conflict 242Drifting from Wholeness to Parts 244Understanding a part’s intentions 244Getting to the heart of the problem 245Help! I’m in Conflict with Myself 246Listening to your unconscious mind 246Taking sides 246Becoming Whole: Integrating Your Parts 247Trying the visual squash technique 247Reframing – as if 249Resolving Bigger Conflicts 251Part IV: Using Words to Entrance 253Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model 255Gathering Specific Information with the Meta Model 256Deletion – you’re so vague 259Generalisation – beware the always, musts and shoulds 261Distortion – that touch of imagination 264Using the Meta Model 266Taking two simple steps 266Remembering a few caveats 267Chapter 16: Unleashing the Power of Hypnosis 269Discovering the Language of Trance – the Milton Model 270Comparing language patterns and the Milton Model 271Meeting other aspects of the Milton Model 272Finding your own preferred model 274Understanding the art of vagueness and why it’s important 274Going Deeper into Hypnosis 276Becoming comfortable with the idea of hypnosis 277Experiencing everyday trances 279Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious: Stories, Fables and Metaphors 283Processing Stories and Metaphors 284Understanding the Stories of Your Life 284Getting to grips with storytelling basics 284Working on your storytelling 285Passing on a gift to the next generation 287Grasping the Power of Metaphors 287Using metaphors in NLP 288Applying metaphors to find new solutions 289Employing direct and indirect metaphors 290Building Your Own Stories 291Using the personal story builder journal 292Discovering more ways to flex your storytelling muscles 293Using subtle persuasion 294Adding loops to your story: And this reminds me of 295Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions 299Question‐Asking Tips and Strategies 300Cleaning up your language: Removing bias 300Recognising that the way you behave is what counts 305Pressing the pause button 305Testing your questions 306Making positive statements the norm 306Figuring Out What You Want 306What do I want? 307What’s that going to do for me? 307Asking Questions to Help Make Decisions 308Challenging Limiting Beliefs 309Finding the Right Person for the Job: A Question of Motivation 310What do you want in your work? 311Why is that important? 311How do you know that you’ve done a good job? 312Why did you choose your current line of work? 312Checking In with Yourself 313Part V: Integrating Your Learning 315Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling 317Developing New Skills through Modelling 318Recognising that modelling is a natural human talent 320Getting to a deeper structure 321Discovering Modelling Case Studies 322The reluctant exemplar 323The rainmakers’ dance 324Key Stages in Modelling 325Knowing your modelling outcome 326Identifying your exemplar 326Finding a modelling method you can work with 327Gathering your data 328Building your model 329Testing the prototype 330Refining for simplicity 331Chapter 20: Making Change Easier 335Finding Clarity and Direction 336Understanding the Structure of Change 337The Kubler‐Ross grief cycle 337Applying the NLP logical levels 340Holding On to Values 346Grasping the Importance of Clear Communication 346Creating the Mindset for Change 348Letting go of fear 348Being willing to experiment 351Getting Help on the Way 352Strengthening resources 352Pacing the future 353Planning the road map 353Taking One Step Forward 354Making that initial move 354Celebrating and gaining closure 354Part VI: The Part of Tens 357Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP 359Developing Yourself 359Managing Your Personal and Professional Relationships 360Negotiating a Win–Win Solution 361Motivating and Leading Staff 362Creating Powerful Presentations 363Managing Your Time and Precious Resources 365Being Coached to Success 365Using NLP to Support Your Health 366Connecting to Your Audience: Advice for Trainers and Educators 367Getting the Best Job for You 369Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library 371Changing Belief Systems with NLP 371The User’s Manual for the Brain 371Core Transformation 372Frogs into Princes 372Influencing with Integrity 372An Insider’s Guide to Sub‐Modalities 372The Magic of Metaphor 373Metaphors We Live By 373Persuasion Skills Black Book 373Presenting Magically 373Chapter 23: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes 375Avatar 375Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 376Dune 377As Good as It Gets 378Bend It like Beckham 379Field of Dreams 380Gattaca 380The Matrix 381Stand and Deliver 381Philomena 382NLP at the Cinema 383Part VII: Appendixes 385Appendix A: Resource List 387Contacting the Authors 387Online Resources 388Appendix B: Rapport Building 389Appendix C: The Well‐Formed Outcome Checklist 391Appendix D: Submodalities Worksheet 393Submodalities Worksheet 394Index 395