Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships

Khara Croswaite Brindle, is a licensed mental health therapist and group practice owner in Denver, Colorado. She holds various roles including financial therapist, TEDx speaker, burnout consultant, published author, and professor. Khara values working with fellow mental health professionals through training, consultation, and clinical supervision, with her greatest joy being her work with driven entrepreneurs, fellow helpers, and perfectionists to help them move from workaholic to well balanced with streamlined strategies that fit their busy lifestyles. Khara is originally from the Pacific Northwest and gets her best ideas when walking outside and being around water. When she’s not writing her next book or supporting fellow professional helpers on their own self-discovery journeys, she’s playing with her daughter or indulging in gluttonous, gluten-free desserts with her family.

• Introduction Structure Identity Protection Author Experience CHAPTER 1: Estrangement Defined Terms of Estrangement Physical Versus Emotional Estrangement Family Frequency of Estrangement Sibling Estrangement The Stigma of Estrangement Mother-Daughter Estrangement Warning Signs for Daughters Warning Signs for Mothers Cultural Considerations Clinical Considerations Estrangement Explained CHAPTER 2: Long-Term Effects of Estrangement Symptoms of Estrangement Impact on Partners Impact on Siblings Impact on Children Impact on Other Family Members Impact on Friends and Community Members CHAPTER 3: Assumptions About Estrangement Selfishness Suddenness Therapist Recommendation Exaggerated Trauma Refusal to Reconcile Too Much Toxic False Memories Mental Health Problems Control Over Grandchildren CHAPTER 4: A Woman’s Worth Mother-Child Attachment Partner Attachment Attachment Trauma Abuse Neglect Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) CHAPTER 5: Introduction to the Estrangement Energy Cycle Figure 5.1. The Estrangement Energy Cycle CHAPTER 6: Cycle of Abuse Power and Control Gaslighting Financial Abuse Generational Trauma Minimizing Scapegoating Caregiving Defective/Denial Superior Parenting CHAPTER 7: Questioning Shame and Guilt Negative Core Beliefs Self-Doubt Emotion Dysregulation The Burden of Busyness Active Avoidance Self-Criticism Suicidal Ideation Perfectionism CHAPTER 8: Relationship Rupture CHAPTER 9: Therapeutic Tools for Estrangement Energy Shutting Down the Inner Critic Experiencing Anticipatory Grief Challenging Ambivalence Exploring Forgiveness Understanding the Fight-or-Flight Response Addressing Elevated Anxiety Watching for Warning Signs Exploring EMDR Staying Present CHAPTER 10: Grief and Loss CHAPTER 11: Discovering Sense of Self Successful Self Trauma Personification Identity Formation Sobriety Versus Recovery Compassionate Touch Reconciled Relationship Positive Role Model Professional Helper Safe Space CHAPTER 12: Deeper Work Theme #1: What Happened Is a Part of Me, But Doesn’t Define Me Theme #2: I Know and Trust Myself Theme #3: I Can Change This Trauma Legacy for My Children CHAPTER 13: Redefining Self-Worth CHAPTER 14: Revisiting the Cycle Figure 14.1. The Estrangement Energy Cycle CHAPTER 15: Treating Men Who Are Estranged CHAPTER 16: Clinical Competencies in Estrangement Assessment Professionalism Intervention CHAPTER 17: When Someone You Know Is Estranged For Partners For Parents Readiness for Reconciliation Parent Dynamics Shared Grief Supporting Self-Awareness For Siblings For Friends and Community Members DO DON’T CHAPTER 18: Dating and Estrangement 121CHAPTER 19: Life After Estrangement 127CHAPTER 20: A Final Look at Estrangement Energy Appendix A: Warning Signs in the Mother-Daughter Relationship Appendix B: The Estrangement Energy Cycle Appendix C: Estrangement Energy Therapeutic Tools Exercise 7.1. Negative Core Beliefs Tree Exercise 7.2. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Wise Mind Exercise 9.1. Inner Critic Personification Exercise 9.2. Letter of Divorce Exercise 9.3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Best–Worst–Most Likely Exercise 9.4. Trauma Family Tree Exercise 9.5. 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise 9.6. Thought-Stopping Technique Exercise 9.7. Watch Your Warning Signs Exercise 9.8. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Resource List Exercise 9.9. Five Senses Coping Kit Exercise 11.1. Successful Self-Visualization Exercise 11.2. Trauma Personification Exercise 11.3. Who Am I Reflection Exercise 11.4. Self-Portrait Exercise Exercise 11.5. Compassionate Touch Exercise Exercise 11.6. Power Poses (Courtesy of Amy Cuddy) Exercise 11.7. Mindful Walking Exercise 11.8. Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Exercise 11.9. Safe Space Exercise 12.1. Thought Diffusion Exercise 12.2. Container Exercise Exercise 12.3. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Self-Meditation Exercise 14.1. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping Appendix D: Estrangement Clinical Competencies and Self-Assessment Appendix E: Group Processing Questions For Therapeutic Groups For Book Club Discussion References Index About the Author

A compassionate approach to an issue that is too often seen as taboo and uncomfortable, Khara Croswaite Brindle's book is an essential guide and must-read for clinicians, therapists, life coaches, and other mental health professionals who work with adult daughters estranged from their mothers. Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships thoroughly explores the aptly named Estrangement Energy Cycle through the experiences of several of the author's clients and offers therapeutic tools and practices. This book will also be helpful to anyone who knows, cares about, or loves an adult daughter who is estranged from her mother.