Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist

Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento.

• PART I: UNDERSTANDING THE CARETAKER ROLEINTRODUCTION: HOW CAN I TELL IF I’M A CARETAKER?1: IS MY PARTNER REALLY A BORDERLINE OR NARCISSIST?2: WHY THE BORDERLINE/NARCISSIST NEEDS A CARETAKER3: LEARNING TO BE A CARETAKER4: CARETAKING INVOLVEMENT LEVELS5: EMOTIONAL DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS6: THOUGHT DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS7: BEHAVIORAL DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERS8: DISTORTIONS IN THE SENSE OF SELF9: RELATIONSHIP DISTORTIONS OF CARETAKERSPART II: LETTING GO OF CARETAKINGINTRODUCTION: HOW DO I MAKE CHANGES?10: STAGES OF HEALING11: CHALLENGING THE BP/NP FAMILY RULES12: BEGINNING TO HEAL: EMBRACING NEW BELIEFS AND BEHAVIORS13: INCREASING YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE14: NURTURING AND CARING FOR YOURSELF15: ANXIETY REDUCING SKILLS WITH THE BP/NP16: CHANGE CREATING SKILLS WITH THE BP/NP17: LEAVING OR STAYINGPART III – REBUILDINGINTRODUCTION: HOW DOES IT LOOK TO NOT BE A CARETAKER?18: MOVING FORWARD IN A HEALTHY WAY19: REACHING OUT TO OTHERS20: THE NEW YOUAPPENDIX I: CARETAKER TESTBIBLIOGRAPHY

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders.