Rise Above Bullying

Nancy E. Willard, M.S., J.D., is the director of Embrace Civility, LLC. She specializes in translating research into practice and integrating insight from bullying prevention, trauma and resilience, and legal fields. Nancy is the author of several books on digital safety, including Cyberbullying and Cyber Threats, the first book ever published on the subject of cyberbullying. She also authored Cyber Safe Kids, Cyber Savvy Teens and Cyber Savvy: Embracing Digital Safety and Civility. Learn more about Nancy at https://embracecivility.org.

• Introduction 11 Those Who Are Bullied and the Harms 11What Is “Bullying?” 11Students Who Are Bullied 14Bullied and Hurtful Students 14Bullied Students 16Identity-based Bullying 17Societal Values of the Local Community 19Identities 19Implicit Bias and Microaggressions 22Complicated History of Focus on Microaggressions 24Ineffective Efforts to Change Implicit Bias 26Implicit Bias in Schools 27Respectful Dialogue 29My Thoughts 30The Harms of Bullying 31Trauma 32Academic Performance and Absences 34Suicide and Self Harm 35School Violence 362 Those Who Bully 39The Quest for Dominance and Social Status 39Public Stereotype 40Motivations for Bullying 44Successful Outcomes of Proactive Aggression 46Situation Dynamics 47Rationalizations 48Bidirectional Aggression or Impulsive Retaliation 49Bullying by School Staff 503 Lack of Effectiveness of Anti-bullying Efforts 55Lack of Effectiveness 55Survey Data on Bullying 55Bullying and Cyberbullying Data 57Current Anti-bullying Approach 58Effectiveness of Prevention Programs 58Student Perspectives of Staff Effectiveness 58Effectiveness of “Tell an Adult” 59Statutes and Directives 61State Statutes and District Policies 62The Problems 63Shift of Focus Away from the Harmed Student 64Lack of Effectiveness of Punishments 64Enumeration of Specific Characteristics 64Substantial Disruption Standard 65Reduce Exclusionary Discipline 65Required Public Bullying Reports 66Characteristics of Hurtful Students 68Failure to Consider the Data 68Institutional Betrayal 70What Schools Should Be Doing 724 Youth Development, Trauma, and Post-traumatic Growth 73Key Areas of the Brain 73Prefrontal Cortex – Thinking Center 74Anterior Cingulate Cortex – Emotional Regulation Center 74Hippocampus – Memory Center 74The Amygdala – Threat Response Center 75Neurons and Neural Pathways 76Feel Good Hormones – DOSE 76The Brain Development Process 77Stages of Brain Development 78Sensorimotor Stage 79Preoperational Stage 79Concrete Operational Stage 79Formal Operational Stage 80Teen Development 81Key Developments During the Teen Years 82Identity Development 82Moral Development 83Peer Relationships 84Greatest Risks During the Teen Years 84Acting Without Thinking, Especially When Upset 84Failing to Predict the Consequences of Their Actions on Others 85Playing “Follow the Leader” 85Judging Their Value Based on Attention from Others 86Experiencing Trauma and Distress 87Focus on the Negative and Possible Threats 88Intergenerational Trauma 90Asking for Help 91Your Child’s Brain Can Change 92Post-traumatic Growth 935 Positively Powerful 95Insight into Resilience 95Positively Powerful 97The Magic 5 : 1 Ratio 98The 40-day Experiment 99Reflective Listening 100Empowerment-building Strategies 101Make Positive Connections 102Be a Good Friend 102Friendships Insight 102Insight on Friendships to Share with Your Child 103Connect with Trusted Adults 104Trusted Adults Insight 104Insight on Connecting with Trusted Adults to Share with Your Child 106Reach Out to Be Kind 107Be Kind to Others 107Kindness Insight 107Insight on Kindness to Share with Your Child 109Act in Service 110Acting in Service to Others Insight 110Insight on Acting in Service to Share with Your Child 111Build My Strengths 111Be Proud 111Being Proud Insight 111Insight on Being Proud to Share with Your Child 112Strengthen My Character 113Character Strengths Insight 113Insight on Character Strengths to Share with Your Child 115Embrace Failure 116Growth Mindset Insight 116Insight on Growth Mindset to Share with Your Child 118Focus on the Good 118Find the Joys and Be Thankful 119Insight into Happiness and Gratitude 119Insight on Focusing on Happiness and Gratitude to Impart to Your Child 121Personal Power Insight 122Be Mindful 123Practice Calmness 123Mindfulness Insight 123Insight on Mindfulness to Share with Your Child 124Keep My Cool 126Self-regulation Insight 126Insight on Self-regulation to Share with Your Child 129Keep My Personal Power 131Hold Myself Tall 131Powerful Presence Insight 131Insight on Powerful Presence to Share with Your Child 132Control My Thinking 133Rational Thinking Insight 133Insight on Controlling Their Thinking to Share with Your Child 134Release and Let Go 135Forgiveness Insight 135Insight on Forgiveness to Share with Your Child 136Think Things Through 137Think Things Through 137Problem-solving Insight 137Insight on Problem Solving to Share with Your Child 139Focus on My Future 140Future Directed Thinking Insight 140Insight on Goal Setting to Share with Your Child 1426 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Treated Badly 145Understand Hurtful Behavior as a Power Game 145What Young People Think 146Positively Powerful Strategies 147Make Positive Connections 147Reach Out to Be Kind 148Build My Strengths 149Focus on the Good 149Be Mindful 150Keep My Personal Power 150Think Things Through 150Positively Powerful in Hurtful Situations 151Engaging in Conflict Resolution 153Responding to Hurtful Acts That Were Not Intended to Cause Harm 154Assert-with-care Communications 155Digital Communications to a Hurtful Student 156Digital Communications to a Hurtful Staff Member 157Start a Positivity Ripple 1587 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Hurtful 161Stop, Own It, and Fix It 161Basis of Hurtful Behavior 161Feel Out of Control 161Retaliation – Often Impulsive 162Want to Be Considered “Popular” and “Cool” 162Two Types of Leadership 162Rationalizations 163Be Positively Powerful Strategies 164Make Positive Connections 164Reach Out to Be Kind 165Build My Strengths 165Focus on the Good 165Be Mindful 165Keep My Personal Power 165Think Things Through 166Stop 166Focus on Your Personal Values 166Avoid Retaliation 167Own It and Fix It 1688 Positively Powerful Strategies for Close Relationships 171Enhancing Important Relationships in a Positively Powerful Way 171Foundations of Close Relationships 172Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships 172Communication: Essential to Healthy Relationships 172Characteristics of Healthy Relationships 173Evidence of an Unhealthy Relationship 173Consent 173Times of Difficulty 174Relationship Break-ups 174Be Positively Powerful Strategies 175Disrupted Relationships 1769 Positively Powerful on Social Media 179Positive Empowerment When Using Social Media 179Historical Background 179The Good News 182Active and Positive Parenting 183Through the Years 183General Guidelines 184Cyber-safe Kids 185Cyber-savvy Teens 186Do Not Let Them Tell You That You Are Not Good Enough 187Capturing Your Eyeballs and E-wallet 187Influencer Marketing 188Data Collection and Advertising Strategies 188Pain or Anger Points 189Understand Teen Pain Points 190Adding These Two Practices Together 191Help Your Child to Keep Their Personal Power 192Think Before You Post 192Remember, What You Do Reflects on You 192Positively Powerful Strategies 194Keep Your Life in Balance 194Avoid Addictive Use of Social Media 194Positively Powerful Strategies 195Connect Safely 196Interact Safely with Others Online Interact Safely with Friends, Friends of Friends, Acquaintances, and Strangers 196Detecting and Avoiding Dangerous People Online 197Meeting in Person 199Protect Your Face and Friends 200Use Social Media Safely and Responsibly 200Read with Your Eyes Open 200Assess the Credibility of Information and Trustworthiness of People 200Embrace Digital Civility 202Foster Positive Relationships in Digital Communities 202Positively Powerful 202Be a Helpful Ally 20310 Be a Powerfully Positive Helpful Ally and Leader 205Being a Helpful Ally and a Leader for Positive Change 205Positively Powerful Strategies for Empowered Leadership 205Make Positive Connections and Reach Out to Be Kind 206Build My Strengths 206Focus on the Good 207Keep Your Cool and Keep Your Personal Power 207Think Things Through 207Being a Helpful Ally 207Safety Concerns 208Step in to Help 209Ways Your Child Can Step in to Help 209Step in to Help in Hurtful Situations 210Help a Friend in Difficult Times 210Help Others Resolve Conflict 211Say “Stop” 211Important Safety Guidelines 211Ways to Say “Stop” 212Help a Hurtful Friend Stop, Own It, and Fix It 212Report Concerns 213High-risk Warning Signs 213When to Report Concerns 214How to Report Concerns 214Leadership for Kindness and Inclusion 21511 Federal Civil Rights Laws and Free Speech 217Civil Rights Laws 217Important Documents 220Schools Must Respond 221What Are a School’s Obligations Regarding Harassment Based on Protected Classes? 221Complying with Federal Civil Rights Regulations 222What Should a School Do to Resolve a Harassment Complaint? 223Comprehensive Intervention Settlement 225But My Child Is Not in a Protected Class 226Civil Rights Litigation 227Bullying of Students with Disabilities 229DCLs Addressing Bullying of Students with Disabilities 230If Your Child Is on an IEP 231If Your Child Is or Should Be on Section 504 232Parent and Educator Resource Guide 236Eligibility 236Aids and Services 237Evaluation/Investigation 237Section 504 Team 239Bullying and Harassment 239Procedural Safeguards 240Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act 242Free Speech 24212 Stop the Harm 247Insist That Your Child’s School Stop the Harm 247Empower – Advocate 247Individually or as a Group 248Addressing Concerns of Staff Hurtful Behavior 248Documentation Guide 249Documentation of What Has Been Happening 249Protected Class 249Treated Badly by Students at School 250Staff Response When Treated Badly by Students at School 251Treated Badly by Students Using Social Media 251Treated Badly by School Staff 251Response If Reported to School 252Harmful Emotional Impact 252Harmful Interference on Your Learning or Participation 253Aspects of the School Environment That May Be Contributing 253Hurtful Response by You 254Letter from Pediatrician and Counselor 254Bullying Reports or Surveys 256Preparing the Complaint 256Desired Outcome 258Possible Inappropriate Response by School 259Investigation 260Comprehensive Intervention 262Positive Action Plan 262Protection Plan 265Holding Hurtful Students and Supporters Accountable 266Motivations and Actions 266Accountability Process and Agreement 266Correct the Hostile Environment 268Monitoring and Compliance 269Proceeding as a Group 269Likelihood of Success 270Continuous Improvement Planning Approach 271Blessings and Forward 273Index 275