Making Hostile Words Harmless

KATE COHEN-POSEY is Director of Psychiatric & Psychological Services in Lakeland, Florida. She is the author of Empowering Dialogues Within: A Workbook for Helping Professionals and Their Clients, Brief Therapy Client Handouts (both published by Wiley) and How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies. A dynamic presenter, she has a passion for helping laypeople and professionals discover grace in life's grueling moments.

• Case Stories xiIntroduction xiiiAcknowledgments xxiChapter 1 Difficult People and the Art of Aikidō 1Martial Arts—East Does Not Meet West 2Verbal Arts 3Instinctual Reactions 4Turning the Spotlight 5Response versus Reaction 6Chapter 2 Acting as If—The Art of Confirming 9What and Why of Confirming 10Art of Agreement 11Speak It as You Want It 13Counting on Compliments 16Drama Is Worth a Thousand Words 22Reverse Resistance with Psychology 24Exercise 25All-Purpose Confirmations 27Chapter 3 Asking Questions—The Art of Inquiry 31Dialogues 32Pseudoquestions 34Asking Questions to Avoid Assumptions 35Asking Hidden Questions to Promote Contemplation 37Spotlight Effect 38Asking Questions to Prevent Prying 39Asking Questions to Evoke Inquiry 41Asking Questions that Give People a False Choice 44Asking Questions that Predict Success 46Exercise 47All-Purpose Questions 49Chapter 4 Active Listening—The Art of Understanding 51How Listening Became Active 52Therapeutic Triangles—Reflect Harsh Words Away from Targets 58Narrating Behavior and Diction 59Naming the Game 61Filial Therapy Narrations 62Refinement of Active Listening 64Active Listening Add-Ons 65Active Listening for Empowerment 67Exercise 71Advantages of Active Listening 73Chapter 5 Hypnosis and Humor—The Art of Evoking 75Modern Hypnotherapy 76Hypnotic Basics in the Verbal Arts 78Advanced Hypnotic Patterns 79Exercise 95Comedy Connection 97Chapter 6 Taking a Stand by Opposing 101‘‘I’’ Position 102Taking a Stand Effortlessly 103Disagreeing Effortlessly 108Handling a Backlash 109Buber Takes a Stand 111Chapter 7 Teaching Positive Speaking to Clients 115Positive Speaking Training Steps 115Aikidō Cross Training (Step 5) 117Positive Speaking for Interpersonal Issues 118Interference from Inner Bullies 120Limits of Positive Speaking 122Goals of Positive Speaking 124Maintaining Balance with High-Wire Families 125Chapter 8 Workshops on Positive Speaking 129Bonus: For Practice or Presentations 130Possible Workshop Titles 130Program Description 131Learning Objectives 132Materials 133Scripted Program Outline 133Quiz 143Feedback Form 148Handout 149Questionnaire 150Cruel Comments Worksheet 150Quiz Answers 155Appendix A Verbal Arts Terms 159Appendix B All-Purpose One-Liners 165Appendix C Psychotherapy Approaches Referenced in the Text 167References 171About the Author 173Index 175