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An honest account of depression from poet and psychologist Joan Cusack Handler. Lights in Cold Rooms shares Joan Cusack Handler’s personal experiences with depression as a licensed psychologist with forty years of experience treating patients. For many, including Handler, quarantine precluded the preferred treatment of psychotherapy. Handler turned to her own pathology to teach herself and others how to navigate both isolation and depression. Feelings of anxiousness and impending mortality intensified as she faced the death of her older sister and grappled with the guilt that erupted when she learned that an in-person memorial service was impossible. Opening both her personal history and pathology to public view, Handler chronicles her confrontation with eighty years of family dynamics and explores the path she took to return to a place of hope.
Joan Cusack Handler is a poet, memoirist, and psychologist. She has published three verse memoirs—GlOrious, The Red Canoe: Love in Its Making, and Orphans, and one prose memoir, Confessions of Joan the Tall. With Gabriel Cleveland, she coedited Places We Return To, an anthology of selections from the first one hundred books published by CavanKerry Press, the press she founded twenty-five years ago, and where she continues to serve as publisher.
PrefaceDepression & the Stories That Came with ItPatient ClinicianI. The Body, the CulpritThe Worst DayLoomingMorphingTwisted, TiltedHomesTall FallsGreedyLazyLove AffairFracturedA KindnessFantasyII. Heart SickThe Heart ThingThe FallingPink Cheeks, Soft Silver Hair8On the First Night of Enforced QuarantineComplicitUnthinkableChainedPeace Be With YouAll That MatteredRegretsBereftIII. A House Divided Against ItselfClose WatchDark HouseSelfishSiblingsAnother LookBrothers EscapeResentment Deepens, Guilt FestersPeace, FinallyStillNo Room at the InnIV. Banquets & CameosSustenanceThe CrownReprievesIntegrity & Love in AbundanceTransfixedThen the Poems Came9Finding BalanceNestingWhen Does the Gratitude Start?Another Good MotherOrchids in Tall VasesIt’s Still Not Safe to Return to BrooklynV. Keep Them ClosePrivilegedBack to Square OneSilenceAnother FissureX-Rays & Scans, Past & PresentPossessedPreordainedWhen the Water Is ThereSelf-ParentingA Birthday PicnicAs Long as There’s a Needle Holding OnCoda
"As an account of a woman grappling with depression, this book is compelling in its unflinching honesty. It is, however, more than that. Joan Handler delves into the tangle of a mother and two daughters and how the wages of love and loss, of compassion and alienation play out over the course of a lifetime and how a degree of wisdom is possible for someone who is willing to look deep and hard. Being balanced about our suffering is one of the great challenges in this world. Joan Handler meets that challenge with grace in this book."