Destructive Myths in Family Therapy

Daniela Kramer-Moore is currently a Visiting Lecturer in the Department of Psychology, University of Warwick. A family therapist with many years' experience of working with high risk adolescents and their families, she now heads the post-graduate Psychotherapy Centre at Oranim Academic College, Kiryat Tiv'on, Israel, where she previously led the Masters program in Educational Counselling.  Michael Moore is currently a Visiting Lecturer in the Department of Psychology, University of Warwick. He is a social psychologist with many scholarly publications in the field, and was until recently Head of the Department of Education in Technology and Science at Technion - Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa, Israel.

• Preface xiii Acknowledgments xviiPart I Seeing – The Choices weMake 11. Blindness, orWith EyesWide Shut 5Dangers, Taboos, and Punishments 8Identified Patients 9A Continuum of Blindness 10Total blindness 11Tunnel vision 11Partial vision 12Broad vistas 12Clear vision 12Surprise, Surprise! 13The Irreversibility of Seeing 14Activities 151 Pin the tail 152 Blind walk 153 Blind spots 164 Train ride 165 Picture gallery 176 To see ourselves as others see us 172. Distortions, or It’s All for the Best! 18A Few Ego Defense Mechanisms 20Family Defense Mechanisms 21Activities 301 Family map 1 302 Family map 2 313 Family gossip 314What do the neighbors think about us? 325 Masquerade 323. Insight through Therapy, or To See or Not To See 33The Goals of Therapy 35Stages of Therapy 37Stage 1: Insightful recognition of PFPs 37Stage 2: The implementation of change 40Stage 3: Evaluation and conclusion 47Activities 491 Family pain mapping 492 Genogram 493 Roles 504 A sack of stones 505 Conflict orWhat is this quarrel about? 516Windows 514. Making TherapyWork, or PracticeWhat You Preach 52The Therapist as Client 53Neutrality, Empathy, Authenticity, and Creativity 54The Therapeutic Agreement 58Types of Clients 61Stopping and Reflecting 62Implementing Change 63Individual vs. Family Therapy 64A FewWords on Group Psychotherapy 65About the Activities 66Multicultural Perspective 67Activities 701 Agreement 702 Listen! 703 Good cop, bad cop 714 The four Fs 715 Empathy training 71Part II Saying – The Power ofWords 735. Homeostatic Messages, or Don’t Rock the Boat! 77Let’s not talk about it 82Everyone has problems! 85Count your blessings 86Better the devil you know 88Activities 901 A word to the wise 902 Action blockers 913 Time travel 914 A note to myself 925 Script writing 926. Lack of Authenticity, or Keep a Stiff Upper Lip 94Four Conceptions of Authenticity 95Authenticity as a Trait 100Pseudo Living 101And They LivedHappily Ever After 102C’mon, Give Daddy a Smile! 103Play Hard to Get 105What Will the Neighbors Say? 106Forgive and Forget! 107Activities 1081 A word to the wise 1082 Hidden Agenda 1 1083 Hidden Agenda 2 1094 Objects 1095 Dinner time 1106 Packages 1107. Inequality, orWhat Can You Expect From a Man? 111The Status of Children 113Spousal Equality 115It’s for your own good! 116Honor your father 119I’m glad we had this little talk 120It’s not the same thing 121I told you so 122Activities 1231 A word to the wise 1232 Line up 1233 A piece of cake 1234 Favoritism 1245 Respect me! 1246 Same or different? 1258. Belittling, orWho Do You Think You Are? 126Types of Belittling 128Targets and Consequences 129You are too young to understand 135You’re just like your father/mother! 136But at least you’ve got nice eyes 137It’s all your fault 138You’re oversensitive 138Activities 1401 A word to the wise 1402 Little people 1403 Pick a card 1404 Family sculpture 1415 Ruler 1419. Bookkeeping, or Just YouWait 142Individualism vs. Collectivism 144Bookkeeping in the Family 145You owe me! 146I’ll never forgive you 147But you yourself have said so! 149It serves you right! 150This is the last time I’m taking you on an outing! 151Activities 1531 A word to the wise 1532 The black book 1533 Rooms 1534 Family secrets 1545 Shopping list 15410. Family Rivalry, or Divide and Conquer 155Sibling Rivalry 159Parental Rivalry 159Let him have it! 160OK –Who started it? 161Why can’t you be more like your sister? 162Who loves Mommy best? 164Activities 1661 A word to the wise 1662 Once upon a time 1663 Family scripts 1664 It figures 1675 Family garden 16711. In Lieu of Conclusion: Myths in the Service of Psychopathology 169Activities 1731 A letter to myself 1732 Family sculpture 1733 I andWe 1734 Temperature taking 1745 The road taken 1746 Closure 175References 177Index 191

"Although the title might suggest a relatively narrow target audience of family therapists, I feel certain that the fascinating ideas addressed here, coupled with the accessible style, would also speak to the experienced therapist, the trainee and the lay reader alike. By focusing on what is actually said in spousal, sibling and parental relationships, the authors invite the reader to reflect on the powerful and often destructive myths, narratives, schemas – call them what you will – that underpin family systems." (Therapy Today, 1 September 2012)