Coping with Parenting When Your Child is Neurodivergent

Dr Ellie Atkins is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist who works with children, young people and families both within the NHS and in private practice. In the NHS she has a senior role working to develop psychologically informed and compassionate care across 27 London hospitals. She is also the former chair of the children, young people and families network of the association of clinical psychologists (ACP-UK). Ellie is also parent to two brilliant children, one of which is diagnosed autistic and the other who is dyslexic and dyspraxic. Parenting them has been the biggest challenge and the most wonderful experience she has ever had.

• ContentsForewordsAcknowledgementsThe first priorityA letter to my childrenA letter to the readerSection 1: Parenting and feelingsChapter 1: IntroductionsChapter 2: Understanding neurodiversityChapter 3: FeelingsChapter 4: Why do we parent the way that we do?Chapter 5: Thinking beyond ourselves: External influences on our parentingChapter 6: Regulation and DysregulationChapter 7: Dysregulated parentingChapter 8: The Three CirclesSection 2: Our foundation stonesChapter 9: Compassion is keyChapter 10: Taking a developmental perspectiveChapter 11: Connection firstChapter 12 – Putting it all together.Chapter 13: Stop-think-doChapter 14: Practically responding with compassionSection 3: Parenting with compassion in real lifeChapter 15: Early yearsChapter 16: School (and other provision) and neurodiversityChapter 17: When your child does not want to go to schoolChapter18: The teenage yearsChapter 19: Assessment and making sense of diagnosisChapter 20: Parenting around transition and changeChapter 21: Understanding and responding to aggressionChapter 22: Parenting for good mental healthSection 4: You as a parentChapter 23: Additional parenting considerationsChapter 24: Parenting self-careAppendix A: Levels of dysregulation worksheetStrategies to self-regulate:Appendix B: Mental Health and wellbeing – getting the help you needAppendix C: Self compassion and mindfulness excercisesAppendix D: Social storiesIndex

'This is a really helpful book for parents because it is written by the parent of an autistic young person, but one who also has the professional knowledge that comes from being a clinical psychologist and former teacher. It is very honest about the difficulties of parenting neurodivergent children (as well as the joys), with plenty of examples from the author’s own family life. The book focuses on what is happening in the parent’s mind as much as the child’s, and explains how parents can help themselves to cope better with difficult situations and thereby help their child. It is very reassuring too, reminding us that our reactions to stressful situations are perfectly normal, and that we should be compassionate to ourselves rather than being self-critical, as there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I wish this book had been around when my son was small.'Sara Truman, OBE. Parent of an autistic son. 'From the very first letters, I was hooked. They reveal such warmth and humanity that I felt instantly connected—as if the author truly sees us, the readers. The chapter summaries are a thoughtful touch, especially helpful for those of us navigating ADHD, menopause, or simply busy lives. But what makes this book truly special is its heart. As a parent of a neurodivergent young person, I found myself learning, laughing, and nodding along. It's relatable, insightful, and compassionate. A must-read for anyone seeking connection and understanding.'Kris Cornell, Alternative Provision Manager, Appeer – connecting autistic girls and women'I loved Ellie's book on "Coping with Parenting Neurodivergent Children". As a Clinical Psychologist and parent of a neurodivergent young adult myself, I really resonated with some of the joys and struggles Ellie described in parenting these unique young people. I loved the honesty and authenticity of Ellie's account of her own personal experiences. The often-awkward juxtaposition of our roles as professional experts versus our experience as real-life humans facing real time struggles is a key strength of this whole series of books. The "Coping with ..." series continues to grow and Ellie's book is an excellent, and much needed addition to the series. Children in general do not come with a user manual, and our neurodivergent children would not even fit that manual if such a thing existed. Drawing heavily on compassion focused therapy, Ellie provides evidence based, tried and tested strategies for handling the ups and downs along your unique parenting journey with your own unique neurodivergent children.'Dr Yvonne Waft, Clinical Psychologist, EMDR Consultant & Facilitator, Author of Coping with Trauma (2023: Sequoia).