The Official Rules for Zoom Schwartz Profigliano

A long time ago at a private boys school in the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio, a group of classmates banded together and formed a fraternity of sorts called the Varsity Beverage Team (VB). It periodically hosted banquets where they wore silly attire, drank, laughed, drank, sang, chanted, drank, roasted each other, and drank.

The Varsity Beverage Team expanded over the years into a group of thirty. Almost four decades later, they still cavort at VB banquets, drinking, laughing, and reminiscing about past glories. Over the years, the one constant has been their affinity for drinking games. They strongly believe that competition and drinking go very well together. Early on, conventional drinking games seemed mundane and boring, so they invented a few of their own, the greatest of which was an adaptation of Zoom Schwartz Profigliano.

In this guide, authors Jon Melzer and Bruce Hackett, members of the VB, outline the rules for playing Zoom Schwartz Profigliano, simply referred to as "The Game." It appears to be extraordinarily complex but can be mastered by anyone with half a brain and a sense of humor. It should be learned in steps but is still enormously enjoyable in its simpler forms. Grab the beverage of your choice, warm up your elbows, and prepare yourself to laugh until it hurts.