How to Fuck a Cantaloupe

It starts bad, it gets worse, and the end – well, you’ll have to read it to find out.

Life was simple for Dan Savage, unencumbered by dreams or ambition. He got by just fine, content in his little pocket of the world. He had no desire to step outside of what he knew, or broaden his horizons, or fucking – grow. He had no desire to, but as is often the case, desire frequently plays little role in the trajectory of life.

Forced from his home, a comedy of misfortune follows Dan as he attempts to navigate his new life with a busted moral compass. A breakup, a melon, a stoner, and a policeman who looks like a testicle: these are only a handful of the ingredients that make up the shit-soup that Dan’s life has devolved into as he is pursued by a mysterious law-firm, the head of a disability centre, and the unlikely threat of fame.

Dan’s story isn’t for the faint-hearted, or those with high moral standards, or children. It’s definitely not for children. But if you are feeling brave, let’s open up and fuck this cantaloupe.